


Sigma Chi Alpha

by wheel_pen



Series: Khan AU [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 14:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4832384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheel_pen/pseuds/wheel_pen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At a diplomatic party aboard the Enterprise, Khan is a big hit, and Jim gets a little drunk. But it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and you realize you don’t know enough about Augment physiology.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sigma Chi Alpha

**Author's Note:**

> The bad words are censored. That’s just how I do things.  
> I hope you enjoy this AU. I own nothing and appreciate the chance to play in this universe.

Khan and Ruby were getting more socialization opportunities. Kirk liked thinking of them that way, like they had been sadly isolated for years (true, really, if perhaps not sad for the rest of the universe) and Kirk was generously inviting them to concerts, films, athletic events, and art exhibitions, hoping to educate them better about humanity. Ruby enjoyed them, anyway; when approached Khan made an effort to seem polite, but Kirk had the feeling he was always comparing what he saw to what he thought his Augments could do, and naturally regular mortals came up short.

Kirk let them come to a diplomatic cocktail party for the denizens of Sigma Chi Alpha, whose native name for their species was largely unpronounceable for most other hominids. Anyway Kirk liked the Sigma Chi’s, they were good-natured, sporty types who brought real alcohol to parties and belched as a way of showing their approval of things. In other words he wasn’t afraid that an ill-timed proclamation of superiority from Khan would cause them to break off diplomatic relations.

Quite the contrary: Khan was a big hit. He drank, he belched, he arm-wrestled. Sometimes he even won, and when he lost, his eyes narrowed and his mind recalculated his strategy based on everything he’d observed, and he tried again. Next thing Kirk knew Khan was setting his alcoholic beverage on fire before chugging it, or demonstrating Nurse Ort’s native language involving strange vocal cord vibrations, and the Sigma Chi’s went wild.

“Great party, huh, Jim?” McCoy enthused, slapping his back jovially.

“G-d, are you _drunk_?” Kirk accused, as though _he_ wasn’t. Well, tipsy at least. They didn’t usually get real alcohol shipboard.

“Not at all!” McCoy claimed, tossing back a shot of something bright blue. “Okay, maybe a little bit now.” He nodded over to where Khan and the Sigma Chi leader were taking turns bench-pressing with Ruby as the weight. Not that she was so heavy, it just seemed like more fun than bringing in real weights. “These guys love Khan!”

“Yeah, I’m so glad,” Kirk muttered, trying not to sound too bitter. After their last diplomatic adventure the Sigma Chi’s had named a brewery after Kirk—a brewery! On Sigma Chi Alpha that was the equivalent of a major university. He had the feeling Khan was going to get something even better, like an athletic stadium or a brand of running shoes. And all he did was drink something on fire.

Okay, that _was_ kind of awesome. But still, a shoe?

McCoy noticed Kirk’s discouragement immediately. “Jim, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed,” he said seriously, “but Khan is a power-mad dictator who’s killed millions of people in two different centuries. And… you’re not.” This seemed to be McCoy’s attempt at a pep talk. “So cheer up!”

“Stop, Bones, I’m getting all misty-eyed,” Kirk claimed. “Oh, hey, the Sigma Chi’s look like they’re winding down. I better go say good-bye.”

“Remind them not to drink and fly,” McCoy advised. “And I’ve got some hangover pills if they need them.”

“Them? What about _me_?” Kirk muttered as he tried to pull himself together and focus on the diplomatic niceties.

“Kirko!” the Sigma Chi leader called. His name was pronounced like _Chet_ ; despite that, his language had a habit of assigning an extra ‘o’ onto some people’s names. Uhura had tried to explain it to Kirk once but stopped in a huff when he realized ‘loose fricatives’ weren’t what he’d imagined them to be. “Kirko, great party as always, human!”

Chet wrapped a meaty arm around Kirk’s neck and mussed his hair, a gesture which had at first seemed threatening but which Kirk now understood as a sign of inclusion. “But where’s Spocko, your pointy-eared friend, Vulcan? We miss his facial fortitude!” Apparently on Sigma Chi Alpha the ability to keep from laughing or even smiling at jokes was highly valued, in a useless novelty sort of way, and Kirk had learned that Spock’s talent in this area had gotten a chain of useless novelty stores named after him. They’d sent _Enterprise_ some tasteless t-shirts as proof.

“Yeah, sorry, Spock’s on duty tonight,” Kirk admitted regretfully. “Someone’s gotta stay sober to drive this thing, you know!”

Chet gave a hearty, understanding laugh. “But we’ve been much pleased with Khano, your new friend, Augment,” he went on. “And Ruby-baby, beautiful, charming Augment!” Other people’s names—usually but not exclusively females’—got a couple of syllables added onto them that Kirk swore sounded like ‘baby.’ (Remembering the loose fricatives debacle, Uhura had merely rolled her eyes when he asked about that.) And, the Sigma Chi’s were fond of saying other species’ names—perhaps just to show they could.

“Yeah, they are crazy, huh?” Kirk agreed weakly. “Are you guys heading out?”

Chet sighed mournfully. “Yes, must turn in early tonight, Mummy’s ordered us to the starbase on the nebula for the next two solar cycles,” he complained. The Sigma Chi’s had a tribal, hierarchical leadership system, with Chet’s mother being a rather high-up so-and-so. “So dull with all the elders there! Where are you to next?”

“Planetary surveys,” Kirk replied noncommittally, trying to sound bored himself. Like he was going to tell this yahoo anything important—nice guy and all, but still kind of a yahoo, who might take specific information as an invitation to show up there and party. _Awkward._

Chet grimaced in sympathy. Then, seeing that his crew had assembled, he stepped back and consulted with them a moment. Then he turned back to Kirk. “Kirko, as a show of our great respect for you, human, we wish to give you the _bongbong_.”

Kirk blinked, thinking now was _not_ the time to get into an exchange of gifts. “Sorry, _bongbong_?” he repeated in confusion. Maybe he could pass off one of the centerpieces as something important.

Uhura popped up next to him with her handheld Universal Translator. “A ceremonial tap to the chest,” she reported. “Oh, it’s a great honor,” she added, scrolling down.

“Well, sure,” Kirk agreed readily, straightening the top of his dress uniform. “In the name of peace between your people and mine, _bongbong_ away.”

But before Chet could step forward, Khan slid smoothly in front of Kirk and dropped to one knee, head bowed. Kirk’s eyebrows shot up and he fought the urge to back away. “Kirko, my liege, it would be my deepest pleasure, human, to accept the _bongbong_ on your behalf,” he said, in perfect Sigma Chi-ese according to Uhura’s UT.

Kirk stretched his lips into a smile. “Khan, what are you doing?” he muttered under his breath.

“Don’t be stupid, Kirk,” Khan hissed back. “Let me take it.”

Part of Kirk wanted to insist that _no_ , _he_ had been offered the sacred _bongbong_ , so d----t, he was going to have it! Another, less intoxicated part suggested Khan might know something he didn’t, since he frequently did, and if the Sigma Chi’s were okay with it, it was probably better to let Khan be the guinea pig for the first _bongbong_ on a human. Er, Augment.

“Okay. Um, arise, Sir Khan, and accept this honor on my behalf,” Kirk agreed, just making up stuff at this point. “Is that okay with you guys?” he checked with the Sigma Chi’s quickly. “He’s kind of new here.” They glanced between each other with shrugs and nods. “Okay, get up,” Kirk prodded Khan and the man rose gracefully, turning on the Sigma Chi’s like a panther.

He stood astride, shoulders square. “I accept your honor,” he announced, as solemnly as if he’d just been made President of the galaxy.

Chet bowed to him slightly, then stepped forward and—well, Kirk would _not_ have called it a ‘tap.’ It was more like a full-on wollop to the chest, Chet’s entire meaty forearm slamming into Khan. The man staggered slightly but mostly held his ground, and the Sigma Chi’s cheered. Still, Kirk was glad he’d let Khan take it, all in all.

Chet and the Sigma Chi’s made their final salute, then beamed away to their ship. The moment they had dissolved into sparkles Khan let out a wet, shuddery gasp and stumbled forward, grabbing a chair for support. Then he dropped to the floor.

“Holy s—t,” Kirk exclaimed, too shocked at seeing Khan injured to think of gloating. “What hap—Is he really—“

“He’s got a collapsed lung,” McCoy reported grimly, kneeling over him with a tricorder.

“’S okay,” Khan wheezed. “I’ve got… a second one.”

“Oh my G-d, he’s even a better stupid tough guy!” Kirk blurted.

McCoy’s look said he wasn’t helping. “What should I do?” he asked Ruby, who was fluttering around in distress. “How fast will he heal? Should I put him on a respirator?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted tearfully. “Hamish always—“

“Aw, h—l,” McCoy swore. “Computer! Three to beam directly to Sickbay.” Immediately they vanished in a column of glitter.

The event put somewhat of a damper on the party. “That was not a tap,” Kirk remarked to Uhura in the silence, and she shook her head in agreement, making a note in the UT.

**

Kirk gave it a couple days, then went to Sickbay. Khan was lying on a biobed peacefully, no equipment attached to him, and all the lights on the panels above him were green, so that seemed good. His eyes flickered open as Kirk approached, blazing as fanatically blue as ever. “Um… hi,” Kirk began. “How are you doing?”

Khan opened his mouth to answer, but McCoy shouted in from his office around the corner. “He’s not supposed to talk!” Khan rolled his eyes but accepted the dictum, unleashing a rapid series of gestures.

Kirk did not understand whatever sign language he was using. “You feel like… a bird… wearing a hat… that’s on fire?” Kirk guessed lamely. “Yes, I can see how that would be uncomfortable.” Khan gave him a dark look and tried again. “Tall… Rabbit? In water. What? Bones, did he have any brain damage?”

“No, he’ll be fine. His lung is repairing itself—“

Kirk could skip the details. “Well, where’s Ruby?” he wanted to know. He had the feeling she would be able to translate for him. “She took a walk,” he interpreted from Khan’s gestures, “and then fell over?” Khan growled at him in frustration.

“Jim, do not torment my patient!” McCoy ordered, finally stomping in to supervise.

“I’m not _tormenting_ him,” Kirk insisted defensively. Khan clearly mouthed the word ‘moron’ at him while McCoy’s back was turned, and Kirk made a put-upon face in return. “I just asked how he was.”

“He saved your life, you know,” McCoy pointed out, fiddling with some buttons.

“Yeah, figured that out.”

“That blow would’ve crushed your chest cavity,” McCoy went on luridly. “What’s wrong with those Sigma Chi’s, anyway? I thought they liked you. Didn’t they name a bar after you?”

“Brewery,” Kirk corrected. “I figured they didn’t know it would hurt so much. They seem like nice guys.”

Now McCoy rolled his eyes. “Well lucky we had an Augment with enhanced strength and healing abilities around,” he muttered, “or else we’d still be shampooing bits of you out of the carpet.”

Kirk grimaced at the imagery. “Well, that’s what I came here for, to tell him thanks.” He managed to say this while not looking at Khan at all.

McCoy smirked. “Well don’t let _me_ stop you,” and Kirk was forced to face Khan again, who let his expression be smug for a second longer before schooling it to rapt attentiveness.

“Well, thanks for getting _bongbong_ ’d for me,” Kirk finally told him. “Better you than me. Er, considering you can heal faster. You could’ve just _said_ , though,” he added chidingly. “I mean, Chet is pretty understanding. Actually it was kind of stupid now that I think about it,” Kirk decided. “You could’ve just said, hang on, I think they’ve got something more serious in mind, and I would’ve asked Chet to demonstrate it first—What?” Khan’s expression seemed argumentative. “That’s how diplomacy _works_ , you try to communicate and compromise—No, don’t give me that,” he insisted. “It’s not about being the toughest guy in the room, okay? It was really dumb, because what am I going to do with seventy-two Augments if you’re dead?” This at least made Khan sigh and look away.

“Best thank you speech _ever_ ,” McCoy deadpanned. “Could you go over the bit about diplomacy again? Because I think you model it really well.”

Khan tried to laugh at that, but it didn’t go so well with less than two functional lungs and he ended up curled up and coughing. “You did that,” Kirk pointed out to McCoy, once Khan had calmed down and didn’t seem about to die.

“Are you done thanking him?” McCoy asked peevishly. “Because he could use some more rest.”

“Yes, I think he got my point,” Kirk decided. Khan waved in agreement, or perhaps dismissal, and closed his eyes again. “I wanted to talk to _you_ about something, though,” he added to McCoy.

The doctor really didn’t have much he could do with Khan right now anyway, except monitor and marvel over his cellular regeneration rate, so once he was satisfied with the readings above the biobed he joined Kirk around the corner in his office. “Don’t tell me you’ve still got a hangover,” McCoy grumped.

Kirk rolled his eyes. “No, and did I bother you with that yesterday? No,” he pointed out. He leaned against the side of McCoy’s desk and asked in a more serious tone, “What do you think about waking up Hamish?”

At this there was a sudden beeping from the main room. “Heart monitor,” McCoy explained, not seeming too alarmed. “You okay, Khan?” he called in. Two thumps responded. “Okay. He’s okay,” he told Kirk, sitting back in his chair. “But he can hear everything we’re saying.”

Kirk noted McCoy did not offer to close the door. “Are we going to say anything he won’t like?” he checked.

“I’m not,” McCoy shrugged. “He’s much less trouble than I thought he’d be, and Ruby’s a nice girl. Given our recent adventure someone with greater knowledge of Augment physiology would be pretty useful.”

Kirk nodded; that was what he’d been thinking about, once his hangover had subsided. “On Earth, the Augments would’ve been the best,” he conceded, “but out here they’re just another species trying to survive.”

“Are you trying to upset him again?” McCoy accused.

“No, I’m just saying how it is,” Kirk stated. “Outer space, other planets, new species with new technology—we didn’t evolve to deal with it. The Augments weren’t designed to deal with it.” McCoy nodded slowly. “So an Augment doctor, who didn’t have a lot to do on Earth, might have more to do out here. Certainly a lot more to learn and prepare for.”

“Well, I’d be happy to teach him,” McCoy agreed, not sure if that was what Kirk was going for or not. “Hope he’s nice like Ruby.” Two thumps from the main room answered this question, indicating Khan was tracking their conversation closely.

Kirk stood. “Yeah, not sure we can trust that judgment,” he decided in a lighter tone. “Well, all Khan has to do is get totally and completely healed, and then we’ll defrost Hamish. Agreed?”

“Totally and completely,” McCoy nodded, not looking forward to arguing with Khan about what that meant.


End file.
